Hi sobrsstr
welcome-
I have 3 A brothers in varying stages of the disease. I can really relate to your post - esp. the drunken phone calls and relapsing and the total lack of understanding that your life must be just a fairy walk in the park!!
She's an alcoholic and she is just doing what alcoholics do.
All my rage and frustration at my brothers was making me cuckoo and sick. AlAnon really turned my head around. It got me to accept once and for all that I cannot "help" or "rescue" my brothers. They are adults and they are choosing the life they want. Just like I did. They know where to go for help!!!
I have some pretty firm boundaries in place. I most defintaely screen my calls and I never answer a call from them later than 8pm - because chances are they will be drunk. I simply do not have any conversations with them when they are drunk. Why? - it's pointless, fruitless, and I don't want to have to tell them later what they said and hear their lame apologies. Little less talk, little more action!!
I base my decisions solely on how they behave, not on ANYTHING they say. If I am around them and they start drinking I leave the room or the house or the party whatever. Not in a nasty way - it's just a signal to me that NO FUN is on the way so I say "I gotta go, kisses, byeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
It's taken me a long time to get to this place but all the work and struggle with MYSELF to detach, get out of their way, and live and let live has been really good for ME!!
Keep posting and reading around this site - lots of good info --especially in the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum.
-peace-B.