So should I tell him about my pain without being a jerk ...try to detach? And he says he has alot of other things he would like to apologize about. Thus far it has been email but I would like to hear him apologize on the phone.
I wouldn't say anything further to this guy, you don't owe him anything at all.
There could be a million reasons why he is trying to make amends to you..1. he could be working the steps with a sponsor and making amends is part of his step work..(though the third glass of red wine strikes me as a little odd, perhaps he is on the wine maintenance program, a lot of misinformed addicts think that they can still drink occasionally and still consider themselves clean since they are not using drugs) 2. He could have been drunk and maybe the memories of the past brought up a lot of guilt and shame and he thought he would make some amends..
In any case, what does it matter why he contacted you... when he contacted you he disrupted your life and your serenity.
I agree with the others, close this book and move forward... If you feel like you need to forgive him you can but you don't have to do this by having communication with him.. you can do this by writing a letter and then burning it when you are done... forgiveness is a gift for you not for him..
It sounds like that you are in a good place in your life and are very happy... further contact with this guy could cause a lot of problems in your relationship with the guy you are about to marry and make your life a lot more complicated then need be..