update... I was honest with him and he brought up the notion of terminating our relationship. He wasn't happy with me at all. He told me his other patients tell him if they are still drinking. What can I say. I think he would have dumped me before if I fessed up. Plus, I hope he realizes how serious I am about this. He said he'd get a second opinion from an addictionologist. So help me God, if that addictionologist recommends AA I am finished. As things stand, I don't want another Dr. The last shrink I had was abusive and I didn't know it until I joined his therapy group and all of a sudden he was much nicer to me. Anyway, I am thinking about writing him a letter in advance of our next appt. My plan is if he dumps me to not see another Dr., take the meds I have, and then screw it.
I went to AA and felt worse coming out than going in. I heard two people be real (a 20 year old said she didn't think she'd have a problem if she drank again - honest and highly unpopular thing to say in a meeting). The other guy was 19 days sober and said the room was scaring the hell out of him. That while they were all inspirational, he needed more. He said he was having a problem with the HP notion and asked for help with this.
I'm going to bed after this bad day. Thanks for all your posts.