I wanted to say hello & that it seems like there's a lot of info & support here.
My handle is what my role was in my family growing up. I grew up w/2 alcoholic parents. I was part of an ACOA support group when I was in my senior year of college. My father started recovery shortly before I graduated, my mother when I was in my mid to late 20s. My brother went into recovery between my dad & my mom, but has since relapsed. He's back in recovery but he got into legal trouble in the meantime. My father apologized as part of his steps and we were able to develop a better relationship before his death in my early 20s. My mom has gone about as far as saying "as a child of alcholics, I know how difficult it can be growing up in an alcholic family," but in her language, that's an apology
She's had a tendency to treat me and my brother very differently (snipin, snapping, screaming & yelling at me more often as a way of dealing w/her anger). Tensions have been growing between us since my brother's arrest, and it's gotten to the point where we're not really speaking. I'll post more about that later. I think we're both at fault and we need to work it out. However, she is "too emotional" to talk.
This is bringing up a lot of old issues. I've had a tendency to not say things to try and keep the peace, but as anyone who's tried to do that knows, eventually you implode or explode. I'm not trying to change other people and I know my mom & brother have both had difficulty are under extreme pressure. I'm not suggesting we let it "all hang out" 60s style, but rather that we look at the problem & try to come up w/a constructive solution, but she doesn't seem to want to work it out. I know that neither of us has really had a model for resolving conflict, so I try to be understanding. I did go as far as making an appointment w/a family counselor about a decade ago when she was in town, but she cancelled it when her flight home was cancelled. I'm always the one who's wrong or troubled in her view.
I'm going to look into local ACOA groups.