....I understand what you're saying about asserting yourself. But if the pain you find yourself in were 'manageable' by your current methods, then there wouldn't be a problem, right? You'd just step up there, fix it all, and zip-zoop you're done. Or, if you feel like I felt in early recovery, you'd assert yourself by saying "screw you, drink yourself to death, I'm out of here." And walk out the door and right into the next relationship with an alcoholic.
Give Love,
You got me...oh...You got me with that one...right between the eyes! I'm going to have to swim in that statement for a while.
JerseyGirl, I have been working step 1 also and have had the very same questions.
If it helps at all, I have recently realized that my control issues from childhood were the perfect powderkeg for my ABF's alcholic lit fuse.
I have changed my focus from accepting my lack of control over ABF's actions due to alcohol to learning to accept that alcohol controls him and battles me for control over him.
Your inability to voice your needs previously may have made you the perfect match for an alcoholic mate. With an alcholic, the relationship is all about them. Their mood swings, their need for attention, their need to have an alcohol free home and leave others to exist in a "leave it" phase as you put it.
Maybe you need to accept that alcohol, through its control over your BF, has kept you from fullfilling your desire to stand up for yourself in a relationship.
I wish your BF nothing but the best in his recovery, and you in yours!!
Alice