i have done the AA route in the past for a year. I was all in! Made coffee, served as secretary, set up chairs, etc. etc. etc....
I don't believe in the primary tenet of AA that we are "powerless" and that it is a "disease." Cancer is a disease, alcoholism is an addiction that can take on a physical dependency that can be quite dangerous and deadly, I know, I have been there. Once we are cured of the physical dependency then it is a choice, period. I am not an atheist. I believe that God gave us free will and the power of choice. Each of us has our own resolve to deal with the stresses in our lives and sometimes our resolve is not enough. If it is emotional stress from earlier tragedies then therapy is in order to address the underlying issues. My stress is temporary, i know, and I make bad choices because my resolve is not enough to deal with it at the moment. I think a lot of that is because I am not used to it. For the most part, i am blessed and my life has been pretty good. Not always though and I did go through years of intensive therapy to deal with my underlying issues.
A lot of drinking has to do with hope. If you have it then the need to drink is not as strong. If you don't then the desire to escape can be overwhelming. Right now it seems to me that my financial world is coming to an end and that to me is very stressful. All of the economic doom and gloom is just a lot to take and I feel as though there is no hope for a short term solution. That near miss but not dead job opportunity that I had keeps me filled with a little hope but that is not enough sometimes.
When I reflect back on my 10 years of sobriety, a time where the thought of drinking never even entered my mind, i compare and contrast them with today. The difference was that I was working continually on the big picture, toward bigger and bigger goals. When I stopped drinking I was a high school drop out. I got my GED, went to Jr. College, transferred to a top tier university, got into grad school, and entered the professional world with big goals. This process in and of itself took 10 years and I enjoyed every single day of it, SOBER!
Now? Everyday is lonely, hopeless, and filled with anxiety and boredom. What can I ever do to re capture that blissful hope? I wish I could use this bad economy to return to school but that is not possible for financial reasons.
Please God, let that job come through and relieve me of all of this!
So here we are again on Day 1 with hope to get to Day 2.