day 6,
my sleeping is improving. I slept for seven hours hours. Vivid dreams again, but not scary or confusing. I guess my brain is starting to be able to proces more data.
I used to have tunnelvision, not it's much more wider and brighter. Don''t now the english words for it exactly to describe it.
Yesterday i told the girl i was dating (once again), that i was rather alone and sober then drunk or stoned and with her. That i was doing this for myself and not for anyone else. She accepts it, and supports me, but i doubt if she fully understands...it doesn't matter anyways, it's my path to follow. I hope we can make it together, cause i really really like her. But if I don't do this now, i'll be dead (mentally and or physically) before my time. And then ít'll never work anyways. If you aren't prepared to lose you shouldn't play the game.
Tonight i'm going to a hip-hop show with some collegeau's, really looking forward to it. Drinking water with ice, dancing, having good clean fun
.
In a day or two, three I'm also gonna quit smoking. Most people here would disagree, that i should take my time quitting one thing at a time. But for me it just doesn't work that way. I tired and kinda messed up anyways, so I can better go all the way down before I climb up again.
today is gonna be my best day so far in recovery...