Welcome Pegasus!!!
When he relapses he pulls the disappearing act and has been gone at times for 2 weeks. Anyways the issue I have now is... how do I not feel guilty for wanting better for myself and my children?
My AH did the same. I can't tell you the fear I felt during those times, and the anger and devastation I felt when he got home, only to have to get him to detox, treatment, hospital, therapists, Dr's, lots of money gone, he was with other women, and he brought home an STD (thankfully I never got).
You have every right to want to better yourself now. You know you have no choice, he will not be around nor capable to help with the children. It will always be about HIM HIM HIM, this is very distracting when it comes to being married to an addict.
You just determine in your mind it's not about HIM HIM HIM anymore, it's about ME and these CHILDREN, and I'm gonna do whats BEST for them.
Not only that but I have no trust in him and I never believe anything he says. Its not a way to live. I am glad that he is in a 30 day program and I will always wish him the best and support with his recovery but I dont want him back when he gets out. He is talking about our future an a new beginning after he gets out. He doesn't get that I cannot just forget the past and start over.
You just tell him you would like to give it a year before making any decisions, for your own recovery. That you will not have him coming home after the 90 days. If he asks you "why?" just tell him it's just the decision you have made. And that you hope he finds recovery.
If he cries and says "I promise this, I promise that", tell him you hope he makes those promises to himself, and keeps them.
You may want to talk to his counselor before approaching him with this, and ask when would be the best time to talk to him about it. It may be possible to have this talk with him while the counselor is present.
You really have to be strong here pegasus. Don't worry about where he's going to live. In rehab they can arrange that before he leaves, sometimes they can go to half-way-houses after treatment. Just remember it's not your problem, it's his. If he walks out of there, still it is not your problem. Let Go and Let God!!!
You take care of you and the children. Focus on what they're day to day needs are.
Keep coming back. We are here for you!! You can do it! One day at a time.
NH7