Originally Posted by
StrongBird 
And there's more...
- I feel defensive because there is a nugget of truth to all these unspoken biases about what an alcoholic does.
I think you answered your own question. If there were no truth to the reasons I felt ashamed/defensive, then it wouldn't really matter much. A thorough 4th step (after a thorough 1st, 2nd and 3rd) will clear this up and you can move past it. (I only mention a 4th step because the reference to AA in the intial post).
I felt ashamed - because there was a lot to feel ashamed about, I didn't know how to look at it 'from another angle'. I felt irratable and depressed - because that's what the truth of my life warranted at that point. Comparing the 'bad' things that I did to others (I never got a DUI, so I shouldn't feel as bad as those who did?) really isn't of much help - it only serves to keep me different. AA is a common solution for a common problem - alcoholism. The unique experiences as the result of alcoholism aren't what defines it.
I don't think by making a decision to attempt sobriety gives anyone a get out of jail free card from the feelings that come along with it. The truth is, most of us have been living lifes that we should feel ashamed of - regardless of high/low bottoms, disease beyond our control...Just as the promise of a life that makes sense, where we can be free of this stuff - comes through some work - our reality is defined by the truth of our existence and the life we live.
Start living a life you can be happy with and these feelings you have now will vanish.
How's that for a promise?