Thank you both so much for the quick reply.
Suemarie:I can almost bet he will beg you to let him come back and he may throw the guilt trip at you ( manipulation) but stay strong and don't let him push your buttons!
You are so right about the manipulation, this is where he gets me every time. He uses the kids and tries to make me feel quilty. By saying things like " stop using the kids against me" or "you know they love me why would you hurt them by not letting them see there father" blah, blah, blah
My CH tells me that he can't promise that he wont ever use again. But saying that toaday he doesn't and hopes that he never will. This is probably the most truthful thing he's ever said. He says he has to take it one day at a time. But I feel that it is unfair for him to think I can live one day at a time. That doesn't give me any comfort. Nothing will change in my thinking and everyday I will wonder if this is the day he falls off. Not a way to live.
So now I will have to go see a lawyer and get custody. I am just so tired of all of this. I cant wait for it to be over. But sadly I dont think that he will accept this easily.
Please just pray that I can really do it this time, for good
Peg