fubarcdn
welcome to sr.
I'm encouraged to read about the changes and trials in your life. You are doing what you need to do and you can keep on doing it.
You are a wonderful person and any bad choices you've made or behavior you've acted are all in the past. You are a new person today, and right now.
I like the posting in this thread about doing some research. and it is possible that you could find a connection with AA and it could be worth your time to try 3 meetings. there are also many many other things out there available to you (ie...Yoga !! seriously it is really cool and doesn't have to be that physically challenging, the cool part is that you receive positive affirmation from everyone there)
You can choose to begin a new life. a life of being more of a giver than a taker. giving unconditional ATTENTION and love to your wife...even if you are a little irked by some little behavior she does once in a while that bugs you. i have been practicing that one myhself. I pick little ones...like her driving habits, or house cleaning habits, or toothpast maintenance behavior, and I let them go as being perfectly acceptable and loveable qualities in my girlfriend.
forl now you are on a quest to get sober....well now a quest to STAY sober. that is the hard part. staying sober. i've gotten sober hundreds of times.
I found an alternative version of the 12 steps that may get you mind thinking in a recovery direction. In order to keep changing, and stay sober, you may find that you will have to do some work in the beginning (right now) in order to follow through. this could involve some writing which you've already started doing on SR.
below is a different, NON religious version, of the 12 steps (keep up the good work):
These steps were written by the renowned psychologist B. F. Skinner as an alternative to the traditional 12-Steps for nonreligious newcomers. First published in "The Humanist" they state:
1. We accept the fact that all our efforts to stop drinking have failed.
2. We believe that we must turn elsewhere for help.
3. We turn to our fellow men and women, particularly those who have struggled with the same problem.
4. We have made a list of the situations in which we are most likely to drink.
5. We ask our friends to help us avoid those situations.
6. We are ready to accept the help they give us.
7. We honestly hope they will help.
8. We have made a list of the persons we have harmed and to whom we hope to make amends.
9. We shall do all we can to make amends, in any way that will not cause further harm.
10. We will continue to make such lists and revise them as needed.
11. We appreciate what our friends have done and are doing to help us.
12. We, in turn, are ready to help others who may come to us in the same way