Hello and welcome! I'm so sorry that your family is experiencing this. Please take some time and read the stickies at the top of the forum. There are many wise and experienced people here.
Your daughters experience sounds very similar to mine. It seems to be very typical of many alcoholics to turn the situation around when confronted with their behavior. Mine was a master manipulator and my self esteem was nearly destroyed when I found this site. I say "was" because now that I understand the dynamics of alcoholism the tactics no longer work. That doesn't mean he doesn't try
Probably the best way to help is to become educated - learn as much as you can and perhaps encourage your daughter to educate herself as well - she did not cause this, she can't control it and she can't cure it. She needs to know that. I spent a great deal of time wondering what I did wrong before I realized it truly had nothing to do with me.