Advice from others?
I am hoping that someone in a similar situation can provide me with some greatly needed feedback. My daughter is married to an alcoholic, albeit one who has never been officially diagnosed as such and is in denial that there is a problem at all. While he has only been physically abusive to her once, prior to their marriage (that I know of), his drinking is becoming more and more a source of conflict between them. He is verbally abusive when he has been drinking, which is normally only on the weekends. Any attempt to speak with him about this causes him to become very angry, at which time he turns the conversation around to spotlight any 'deficiencies' he deems my daughter to have, rather than focusing the conversation on the things he does when he has been drinking. I have watched her self esteem plummet greatly since they've been together, which breaks my heart. Altho they're married, they have never combined their bank accounts, so she has no idea what he does with his money, and they have had utilities shut off several times because he was supposed to have paid them, but didn't. She is afraid to attend any Al-anon meetings for fear of making him, or his family, angry, because they are all afflicted with the same problem and she lives in close proximity to them all and deals with them on a weekly basis. He is very physically aggressive when he's been drinking, and wants to wrestle and fight, usually with his son who is a pre-teen. When his son cries and asks him to stop, it only makes him angrier. When he is sober, he wouldn't harm a fly and is the nicest person you could ever meet....when he is drinking, it's a whole 'nother matter. How can you help, in a situation like this, and how do you tread that line between being a 'butt-inski' or a genuine help? And what do you do to improve a situation of this sort? She is thinking of leaving, but hesitates to leave her stepson there, because she has never legally adopted him and has no legal claim to him. His mother lives in another state and is not very involved in his life, but still maintains contact. Any advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated.