Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable."
My Al Anon story is a little different. I didn't come into Al Anon when I was at my emotional "bottom." My emotional bottom had been hit nearly 10 years earlier, during my divorce. By the time I came to Al Anon, I had pulled myself and my life together very well -- by all appearances. But, since part of my bottom has entailed my losing all sense of spiritual connection and meaning and since I had, after my divorce, gotten involved with my current partner -- who has been physically "sober" since 2/84 but who, at the time was very deep into a dry drunk relapse and acting out addictively in other ways -- internally things were not exactly going great.
I ended up attending a meeting on January 27, 2004 because I had a friend living in my house who was trying to escape an abusive relationship. Since I had no experience working with battered women, I had called some local women's shelters and organizations and asked for advice. One thing they all told me was "get her to Al Anon meetings." So I did.
Now, over the course of my relationship with my partner, as her behavior had become more and more dysfunctional and as I allowed myself to get more and more drawn into the drama of that, a few people had suggested Al Anon to me, but whenever my partner would hear about this she would say: "Well, I'm not drinking, so why would you need to go to Al Anon?" and, at the time that made a lot of sense to me -- surely alcoholism had to entail alcohol, right????
NOT.
So, I take my friend to this first meeting and here are all these people talking about the insanity that is going on in their homes, and I'm like: "Wow -- this is exactly what's going on in my home -- but without the drinking." Now, I'm not stupid, so it only took me that one meeting to realize that my partner's disease had gotten a lot of mileage out of my ignorance about what addiction is really all about and it was very clear that I needed to know more, so I kept coming back....
For me, when I first began "to get" Step 1, it was like : I am powerless over the alcoholism, and over the alcoholic and her alcoholic behavior and, because I have been trying to fix or control something that I can't fix or control, I am losing control of my own life.
Actually, when I understood what alcoholism was and how it works in people's lives, admitting that I was powerless over it was hugely liberating and relieving -- because it gave me permission to stop putting so much time and energy into trying to change and/or get through to my partner and enables me to see the situation I was in as it truly was (acceptance) and, then, with that new perspective, to see choices and options that I hadn't seen before.
I also have to say that, for me -- and maybe this is because of the point ni my life at which I came into program -- Steps 2, 3 and 11 actually worked simultaeneously with Step 1. Because, the whole HP piece was very important for me in being able to actually act upon the understanding I gained in Step 1. For me, without trust in HP, detaching from someone I love who is basically committing suicide on an installment plan would probably be impossible -- or, at least, it would not be possible as long as still loved that person.
I've discussed in a lot of detail elsewhere how I "came to believe," but for me, it was absolutely necessary to have and trust a HP in order to "let go" of my partner.....without a HP to rely on, letting go of a loved one who's not behaving sanely is almost too scary to contemplate -- to me it feels like letting that person fall into an abyss, and I guess, for me, if I love someone, I'm not going to be able to do that even if I know that my trying to save them is totally futile. But, with faith in HP comes the knowledge that there is no abyss....which, for me, makes it possible to let go of someone I love if that is what I need to do to take care of myself.
Also, another important program idea that has really been vital to me in "getting" Step one is the idea that truly valuing and respecting others means acknowledging their absolute right to freedom of choice -- even if the choices they are making are crazy and harmful to them. I am not treating other adults with respect and dignity if I do not respect their right to make their own choices and to do what they want to do (as long as it does not hurt dependent and/or non-consenting others). After all, if HP respects our free will and allows us to make our own choices, however poor they may be, who am I to think I have the right to do otherwise????? True respect and true love means allowing the "other" to be him or herself, even if that means that it is not what I want and even if it is bad for them and even if it means that I cannot continue to have that "other" in my life.
Anyway, at this point, Step 1 has been helpful in all the other areas of my life, too....but it all started with the alcoholism piece.
freya