I am really sorry you are going through this situation. It may sound as if those responding are frustrated that you have not taken any action, but it is because so many of us have been in appalling situations and felt stuck as well.
Sadly, as I read your posts, I think that you may be falling deeper and deeper into your own sickness - codependency. The things this man is doing and your reactions seem (and this is just my view) like abuse...perhaps not physical, but certainly emotional which is just as bad.
There is a lot of great advice here. One thing I would add is instead of focusing on getting help for him, please think about getting help for you. A good counselor could help you work through the issues you are facing, restore your sense of self (for it sure seems like you have lost "you" in this process) and learn to take effective action to choose to save yourself. I suspect that with that type of help, Naranon or Alanon meetings that you felt did not help, would start to make a little more sense.
I hope you will make at least one choice today to help yourself. I hope that instead of focusing on what can not work, you choose one thing and take action then let things unfold. I know for me, I had to stop projecting and building the future (a dark one) on what i thought may happen, and take action and let the future unfold. It turned out to be much brighter than I thought. Hugs and prayers of strength.