Hi SnOman and welcome. This site is full of wonderful people willing to share their experiences (like you) and is an invaluable resource.
I understand your comment about religion. I have had the same reaction to many organized religions and still respond negatively to having had religion pressed upon me as a child, a religion in which I found little comfort only criticism--I came away feeling bad and evil, which is the same way I feel when I drink.
But what I have found is I have a need for spirituality, which for me is WAY different than religion. Jung used the expression "spiritus contra spiritum" to describe this need, which I understand as spiritual thirst being addressed with other spirits (i.e., alcohol). This makes some sense to me. For me spirituality is about finding my real self because I know that the person who drinks too much, they way I feel and act when in a stupor, IS NOT ME.
Like you, I can take or leave alcohol for days or weeks at a time, and if I do quit I only feel better. But when I do drink, stopping is a big problem.
What I have learned on this site is that I need to go after (understand) the behavior behind my taking that first drink. The more conscious I am of my behavior, the less likely I will pick up. One SR member (sorry I cannot give due credit right now) recently made a list of things s/he has learned about drinking, one of which was that the most insane thing s/he ever did was to take that first drink sober: how crazy is that knowing what it will lead to? I have reminded myself of this line repeatedly and it has been very helpful.
Glad you are here.