Originally Posted by
dedubya 
hey snoman-
so glad youre here. you sound like a photo copy of me at 29 (i am 47 now). i was making money, great job, good family (very thankful i didnt lose any of this in my coke/alcohol stupor- still working on it everyday). i had the cash to buy coke and it was pretty much routine on weekends to get that 8 and stay up drinking a river most of the weekend. taking sunday to try to resemble a human being on monday for my job. i was 'functioning addict' as they say- good at my work- even better at my drinking and coke. dude- it will catch up with you if you dont cut it out, in a big time way. please keep posting on this site and reading- the best way is to have support like this, having others to talk to about it is very helpful to me.
best wishes to you and your family!!! you can do this.
dub
Thank you for posting!!! That's just it though - it IS catching up with me. There was a 1 month period last year where I basically gave up all control of my business (corporation) to my senior employee - because I was too busy getting high....sick hey? I think that was about when I realized I had a serious problem. But I never knew where to turn....the problem is that my town is small enough (200,000) that if I were to attend any meetings of any sort I would be instantly recognized, and that could cause a potential disaster for my business, which, in my town, is highly reputable. I keep my problem so secret and can lie so well that no one even knows there is a problem...only me
And there inlies another problem - i'm resorting to lies. I am not a liar, and to catch myself lying to cover up my destructive behavior is a major ultimate red flag. I'm freaked. I don't know how I got here. This isn't me!!! I just can't believe that i'm beginning to embody all thise things that as a child I considered EVIL.
Im a mess.