Thanks to you all! When he finally came home last night, he blamed our relationship for his relapse, saying that he finally figured out that because he's so stressed (b/c of our relationship) that he hangs on for as long as he can (the past 2 years - even though we only just got married, at his insistence less than 2 years ago) until he cracks (no pun intended) & then relapses.
openheart, my heart goes out to you today. I have an AH as well and we have a son, age 6 together. I have 2 older children also. My AH did the same as yours we married in 2001, after being best friends for 3 yrs. He was in recovery. I thought he had a great recovery. I was so impressed with his wisdom. Thats what attracted me to him in the first place. I was so deeply in love with him.
He disappeared the 1st time in our marriage for 2 days in 2005, back to crack. I was determined our family and marriage wasn't going to be destroyed by that, and allowed him to stay. He continued meetings as he always has. Jan 2007 he did it again, and he was out. I couldn't handle his insanity. I couldn't handle that he also cheated on me during relapses. This was a pain that I couldn't get over, and then he would do it again. In between that all the pills, and he still continues on pills. He finds one way or another to numb himself from reality.
He's been out 2 yrs, we're not divorced, and Im still recovering from the pain without the use of anything to numb it, and it's been far from easy. But thankfully I've come to a place of peace and safety. Even if we (son and I) don't have everything we would like to in life right now, we have peace, and peace is priceless.
AH has been from having supervised visits to now having a few hrs a week of unsupervised visits with our son.
I would advise you to protect your children, as you protect yourself. For now do not leave them alone with your AH.
I would also advise you to secure your finances because crack is very expensive and your finances could be gone fast if you do not use safety precautions. Get his name off all your credit cards, your name off his credit cards. If you have a joint account, get him off of it immediately. Do not give him money & Hide all valuables.
Thanks to you all! When he finally came home last night, he blamed our relationship for his relapse, saying that he finally figured out that because he's so stressed (b/c of our relationship) that he hangs on for as long as he can (the past 2 years - even though we only just got married, at his insistence less than 2 years ago) until he cracks (no pun intended) & then relapses.
You know I heard a R crack A say this a few days ago. She blamed her clean and sober husband for her drug use. She couldn't figure out why her husband didn't want her any more and she cried.
I feel that his solution to leave the relationship is wrong & what he really needs is help by addressing the addiction
Again he is manipuating....saying it's you, your fault. Don't listen to that!!!
Every time he says that to you, remember 3 C's
You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it, and you can't CURE it.
Hugs my friend, hang in there,
NH7