Originally Posted by
openheart 
He is too stubborn to admit that he's wrong but I truly feel that if he were able to "see the light" & determine that treatment is the best route if he wants to stay sober, that things could be different.
Thanks again to you all for your advice!
This is your perspective of how YOU feel about your relationship. He is an addict so his perspective is COMPLETELY different.
I thought that if my ex could just see the light that he would get treatment and really seek recovery. That was my WHOLE PROBLEM. I was expecting him to do something he wasnt ready to do. That led to huge heartache and frustration for me. Even if your husband did go to recovery that may not solve all of his problems. Things will be different in that respect. Things will be different if he continues to use because they will get worse. I was in denial about things being different too. It is what it is.
I really have to be blunt here. The only way to handle this situation is to pull the rug out from under him. He is calling the shots here because he is manipulating you to get what he wants. He wants his cake and eat it to. He blames you for using and then says that he is gonna leave. To be honest I would do just that make him leave. No ifs ands or butts about it.
I have read countless books on addiction and recovery. The BEST thing that the books say for situations like this is to let them go. Its hard I know but when you have children you cant live with an active addict. I know this sounds soooo harsh but think of your kids. They dont have a choice.
I recommend reading the "getting them sober" series. Those books were so HELPFUL. I understood what I needed to do for me and my kids. How to take care of business while still having my sanity. I will also say that the people on this website have been so supportive.
I hate to say this but the ONLY way you are gonna save your family is if you put yourself and your kids ahead of the addict. I promise you things will get worse. The longer you stay in this situation the more damage that will be done to your kids.
Most addicts are able to continue down their paths of destruction because we codies make it so easy for them. We take them back believing it was us and that we will try harder to do better and make THEIR lives easier. No, thats not how it rolls.
His life will get worse and so will yours if you let him take you down with him. Have a plan of action. Go to meetings. Educate yourself and then make a decision on what to do.
Good luck. Keep posting.....