adore79

Or maybe not seflworth, but I destoryed any amount of trust I had with my parents. The sick thing is that that thread of thrust they still had in me was based mostly on lies. I just dont know why it is so hard for me to tell the truth relating to my alcohol consumpition to my parents and docs. The one time I told my doc the truth about how much I drank I got a wave of strange sensation sweep over me and I felt like I was hovering over myslef watching the doc and me talking, ovserving two people I had nothing to do with.

No matter how stressful telling the truth is though is being caught in you lie.

I've drank 5-6 times over the last few months, but my parents knew that bacause I had no problem telling them becasue I trully felt it was great progress. They also beleived me because they has seen my everyday routine change and had seen a general imporvement in me.

Last night I decided to get drunk only this time I decided to add a bunch of pills to the mix which ended up really f###ing me up. After hearing a crash in the basement my folks went do to find me on the floor, barely coherent, I had wet myself, some bruises on my arm. My Dad carried me to my bed and they watched over me.

This morning they made it clear that from now on they would distribute my medication everyday and they will not give me money or let me spend any money on anything unless they are present.

I undertand that I scared them a lot but I really dont see how I will ever gain even a little of their trust back. The fact is that I am completely dependent on them for everthing, the same way a four year is dependent on her parents. I find it comfortable in being completely depedent on them and I this depenency is unhealthy but I cant figure out why.