Thanks to you all! When he finally came home last night, he blamed our relationship for his relapse, saying that he finally figured out that because he's so stressed (b/c of our relationship) that he hangs on for as long as he can (the past 2 years - even though we only just got married, at his insistence less than 2 years ago) until he cracks (no pun intended) & then relapses.
So - now his plan of action is to not get professional help or go to any meetings - he's simply going to leave. He's gone. He wants to stay but he won't say it - he'll just spout out reasons why we "aren't compatible" & how "neither one of us will ever change", etc. etc. etc...
I've actually figured it out because he does this about 2 or 3 times a year (w/ or w/o the drugs). He simply wants me to provide a reason for him to stay...& every time he decides that "this is it" & "he can't be with me anymore", he always ends up coming back or never leaving in the first place.
Most times when this happens, he is not using, so I usually relent - I think to myself that our relationship is worth saving (mostly b/c of the kids but also b/c we do truly love eachother) & I do provide him with a plan of action that we can take in order to begin to mend the troubles with our relationship (which really aren't that severe, outside of the addiction). Now, I don't beg him to stay but I will offer up different avenues that are available that we haven't gone down yet & this seems to pique his interest enough into staying.
Honestly, it feels like he needs the reinforcement from me that I think that our relationship is worth saving & why should he stick around if I don't even want to be with him, but he won't come out & ask it. I'm not saying that he sits around & thinks of ways to manipulate me but that this is entirely in his subconscious & this is the way this comes out of him.
So, b/c I think that he just wants the reinforcement from me, I typically will give it to him b/c I certainly don't want him to feel like I don't love him, or consider our relationship as valuable, etc.
This time is different b/c of the drugs. I find that if I react to him in the manner that I have (by agreeing with him that he should do what he needs to do in order to get himself off the drugs, even though I feel that his solution to leave the relationship is wrong & what he really needs is help by addressing the addiction), the tension just builds. He is too stubborn to admit that he's wrong but I truly feel that if he were able to "see the light" & determine that treatment is the best route if he wants to stay sober, that things could be different.
Anyway, I'm rambling now, obviously b/c I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish here.
I haven't had the opportunity to get to a meeting yet although I did find all the meetings that I would be available to go to if he were here at home, but instead, since he's not here, I am spending my evenings taking care of the kids...so...hopefully I will be able to find the time to get to a meeting one day this week. I think they could really help.
Thanks again to you all for your advice!