THANK YOU to all of you for advice and for your care... I went to 3 meetings yesterday and had a lot of good insight... I am going to a meeting in a few minutes... I have realized a lot of the things I have been trying to do to stay sober are good but there are A LOT OF THINGS THAT I AM NOT DOING and one of them is living a complete and sober lifestyle (I let friends have drinks in front of me, I've been to bars/restaurants where they are servings alcohol and people i am with are drinking, I don't TELL people that I am in recover...I try to be "normal" etc etc etc) So, instead of feeling sorry for myself today, I am feeling very accepting of my alcoholism...I will end right now with this paragraph from the Big Book that a woman at a meeting had me read yesterday-
And acceptance was the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-- some facet of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serentity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. NOTHING, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attibtudes.
wow wow wow, i will read this everyday until i can accept it in my body, mind and soul that i am powerless over alcohol and it will kill me if i do not stop and i CAN have a happy life.
peace and love