Notices

HoPeLeSS

Old 01-03-2009, 12:55 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3
HoPeLeSS

I am feeling very hopeless today...i have been "officially" trying to get sober for over 3 moonths from outside sources (usually i would try it on my own and that never worked)- i started an out-patient treatment thinking that would "cure" me...after a few relapses, i tried AA. i am still going to AA but i have continued to relapse. my sponser today told me that she cannot help me until i stop drinking, well, i ask myself...can't she make me quit drinking?? haha. i am truely HUMBLED and HOPELESS. i feel like i have absolutely NO trust in my self and that is a SCARY feeling...not even my sponser can help me right now. what i think it comes down to (and this is what my sponser also said today) was that i have not truely ACCEPTED that i am an alcoholic... i know that i am an alcoholic and that my life is unmanagable and lonely and awful when i drink but i have not truely ACCEPTED it- i have not taken the action part of that sentance (accepting) and i keep trying to think that it will some how go away and i'll be "normal" again and all will be well. i also have given up patience- i keep hearing about how happy sobriety can be...well i am happy a lot but i am also VERY depressed and sad a lot and the only thing that i am used to filling my sadness with is alcohol...i know i need to fix that but i feel like no matter what i will always go back to drinking bc that is what i've always done.
Well, HOW THE HELL CAN I ACCEPT THAT I AM AN ALCOHOLIC??? i don't know how to do it...i can say it to myself but i always end up drinking again. i feel hopeless and lonely and like a failure- i hate when i drink and i hate when i am sober (**although much less). I keep wondering, do i really have to lose it all or go to jail or get raped or ******* kill myself?? What will make me accept and move on and accept accept accept accept that i am an alcoholic...aghhhh. i know that the answer is that i need to work harder and pray to my higher power and i am trying to do that but obviously not hard enough. i will quit my rambling...thanks for listening/reading and any advice would be helpful...i am 25yrs old and i want to have a happy and sober life and i want to STOP this viscious cycle of relapsing bc it will be a very sad life..... thank you and i am grateful for this site (i've been visiting here and reading for over a year)

peace and love
falliblewoman is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 01:09 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
Hi and Welcome,

I accepted I was an alcoholic, but it still took me a long time to stop drinking. I didn't think I could manage any part of my life without drinking. The truth was, I was making a mess of my life with the drinking. I think the bottom line for me was just to not drink and get through a day, get through the craving. It was the 'getting through the craving' that made it a little bit easier the next time. Each day you get through sober, will help you to feel better about yourself.

It could be that your depression will lift when you stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. For me, the depression came first and I had to get that treated.

Please know that there are other ways to make yourself feel better, without alcohol, and you'll find lots of them by reading through these forums.
Anna is online now  
Old 01-03-2009, 01:14 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
BackToSquareOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Falliblewoman, if you truely can't quit on your own then some form of inpatient treatment is always an option. If you also suffer from depression you will need to treat that also. Alcohol will only make you more depressed in the long run and is the worst possible thing as far as anxiety and depression go.

No one is ever hopeless, depression is very common and many alcoholics try to self medicate and alcohol never works. Sounds like professional help might be the best bet.
BackToSquareOne is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 01:28 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
problemchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Born in Long Island NY/Mtns of N.C Is my home now
Posts: 405
Oh my friend through this disease, you are NOT hopeless i have felt tht way many times, there were even times death would have seemed a blessing to me. First you need to quit the booze , but in order to do that you MUST realize you are powerless over alcohol,then you MUST want to quit more than you want to drink. If those line up and you work a program (AA for me) you can and will quit. Then the depression can be dealt with. I was in several long term 30 + day rehabs before i realized this, most were dual diagnoses programs, which they all told me there was no meds on earth that will cure the depression as long as you continue to drink.
You are young and have a great chance of saving yourself from a lifetime of misery, please get help.............

Take care,
John
problemchild is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 03:02 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
I knew one year ago that I had to stop drinking, but continued to relapse and start over, relapse and start over, for over half a year before I finally 'got it right'. I too have clinical depression, been on antidepressants for over ten years, but while I was drinking I was always depressed.

You CAN stop drinking for good, but you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. For me, that was the key. It also helps so much to just stay sober JUST FOR TODAY. Tomorrow is too far away and yesterday is gone. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to. And give AA a good try, again or for the first time. They helped me a lot in the beginning.

You CAN recover. Get all the help you can cause it's a hard thing to do, but it can be done and it does get better.:ghug3
least is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 03:42 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
It`s ok to stay sober
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
What will make me accept and move on

I can say what it took for me to accept my alcoholism and get sober.
Drinking did.I drank untill I was convinced that my human power or any human power could not get me or keep me sober and if I drank once more I probally would die.I had to hang in there untill the bitter end.No where else to turn but the grave,bottle or AA.Then I had the burning desire to never drink again and then do whatever it took to stay sober,one day at a time.
Tommyh is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 03:48 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
I got nothin'
 
Bamboozle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,889
Welcome to SR, FW.

Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne View Post
Falliblewoman, if you truely can't quit on your own then some form of inpatient treatment is always an option. If you also suffer from depression you will need to treat that also. Alcohol will only make you more depressed in the long run and is the worst possible thing as far as anxiety and depression go.

No one is ever hopeless, depression is very common and many alcoholics try to self medicate and alcohol never works. Sounds like professional help might be the best bet.
This is what I wanted to say.

Wishing you well, FW. Whatever you decide to do, stick around SR for a while and keep reading and posting.
Bamboozle is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 06:40 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indy
Posts: 18
Its hard to admit that you are an alcoholic, thats why its the first step, its the hardest. Everybody wants to be able to drink normally. You either are or not an alcoholic. Since you are trying so hard to quit, you have to able to admit that you are powerless to alcohol. Its hard to stop. I know. Seek any help you can, any help you need to stop. Keep posting.
EC1979 is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 08:10 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too was not staying sober for any long period of time.
I was up and down like a Yo-Yo.

Was I hexed? Nutso? Doomed to drink forever?
I was a confused mess...

Then I read a book...took that information
re-newed my connection to God and AA
and finally quit drinking....

Here is a link to excerpts form the book
"Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Hope this helps FW...
Welcome back to SR
CarolD is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 08:59 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
 
flutter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
A lot of people who 'accept' the fact that they are alcoholics drink until they die. Please get the help you need It's not an easy feat!
flutter is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 09:02 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
AcceptingChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
o my friend, you are in a tunnel, but you do see some light, because you described your problem so perfectly.

given your description, i agree you should get into in-patient therapy,
and make your treatment your only waking activity for some months, or however
long it takes. You have many, many years in front of you, and this can be
cured. but it is very serious, and i know you're very aware of how serious it is.
that takes many less intelligent people much, much longer to figure out.

Senator George McGovern had a daughter Terry who died of severe alcoholism. I hope you can borrow this book from your library.
And i hope you sign up for some in-patient therapy. Treat it like cancer or a heart problem. You HAVE to do it or serious, possibly fatal, health problems will grow.


Amazon.com: Terry: My Daughter's Life-and-Death Struggle with Alcoholism: George McGovern: Books

Wishing you strength and perseverance in your difficult physical illness.
AcceptingChange is offline  
Old 01-03-2009, 09:11 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 57
You obviously have some hope or you would not be here. I know that you will find the hope you are looking for if you hang in there and stay sober. You are so young--you have a lot of time to recover. Life changes so quickly--you might be living the life of your dreams 2 or 3 years from now if you have faith and start making some changes. Blame the alcohol for your depression--even if it is not the root cause it certainly has made the depression worse. When you realize that alcohol is a clinical cause of depression and not a cure, you might think twice when you think alcohol is going to comfort you. I don't know about you, but it has been a long time since drinking alcohol actually made me feel excited and happy. It stopped doing that many years ago for me. :praying
ralph9898 is offline  
Old 01-04-2009, 03:51 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 3
THANK YOU to all of you for advice and for your care... I went to 3 meetings yesterday and had a lot of good insight... I am going to a meeting in a few minutes... I have realized a lot of the things I have been trying to do to stay sober are good but there are A LOT OF THINGS THAT I AM NOT DOING and one of them is living a complete and sober lifestyle (I let friends have drinks in front of me, I've been to bars/restaurants where they are servings alcohol and people i am with are drinking, I don't TELL people that I am in recover...I try to be "normal" etc etc etc) So, instead of feeling sorry for myself today, I am feeling very accepting of my alcoholism...I will end right now with this paragraph from the Big Book that a woman at a meeting had me read yesterday-
And acceptance was the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-- some facet of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serentity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. NOTHING, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attibtudes.


wow wow wow, i will read this everyday until i can accept it in my body, mind and soul that i am powerless over alcohol and it will kill me if i do not stop and i CAN have a happy life.

peace and love
falliblewoman is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:48 AM.