First off let me tell you he can NEVER "control" the drugs. It's ALL or Nothing. He can't CONTROL crack...crack will CONTROL him. So, you need to be ready that he is NOT done. Very few people can get clean and sober WITHOUT help. Go to the meeting. That is your best help. Decide what you will or will not accept. My ex was clean for 3 years before he came back into my life. And remained clean 3 more years before his first relapse. In my own experience, my ex would stop for periods. He never did a program and never could state clean (on his own) for more than 6 months at a time. He had 3 girls who he cared nothing for when he was high. They have spent all their lives waiting for dad to get clean and be a father. And sadly, last Thanksgiving his 19 year old daughter died of a crack overdose. Why not? All she ever saw was a dad high on crack. I left 3 years ago because I had enough. And my own son at the age of 16 was beginning to drink and smoke weed. (Why not, his step-dad did) Hate to be grim, but in my experience I should have set down boundaries years ago. I can't tell you the damage that has been done to my children because of both their father and step-father's use of alcohol and drugs.
I still love my ex. And I pray for him daily. But I could no longer watch him destroy himself or our family. And I know it's hard to make the decision to ask him to leave unless he gets help. But I SO wish I had done that years ago.
They will continue as long as they know we will "accept" the behavior. And please, oh please do NOT ask him to "control" his drug use. Or say...drinking is ok...it's better than crack. Because that again "condones" the behavior.
I have seen this disease destroy my family. I have seen this disease passed down from the father to the children. So, please go to the meetings and then set down some rules.