You obviously have some hope or you would not be here. I know that you will find the hope you are looking for if you hang in there and stay sober. You are so young--you have a lot of time to recover. Life changes so quickly--you might be living the life of your dreams 2 or 3 years from now if you have faith and start making some changes. Blame the alcohol for your depression--even if it is not the root cause it certainly has made the depression worse. When you realize that alcohol is a clinical cause of depression and not a cure, you might think twice when you think alcohol is going to comfort you. I don't know about you, but it has been a long time since drinking alcohol actually made me feel excited and happy. It stopped doing that many years ago for me. :praying