Going Back
I posted this under Friends and Family of Alcoholics and Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. I hope that is alright; my xABF falls under both headings.
Several years ago I left my xABF and went to another country to live and work. Seven years have passed. In that time my xbf visited me twice. Both trips were paid for by his family. Neither trip was requested by me. Both visits ended with him drunk and out of his mind on drugs/alcohol.
The last time he was here I had to have him put into a mental hospital, in lock down, by the police. Once he left that situation, he immediately started drinking/drugging again, and I had to have him arrested, placed in a holding cell for a week, and deported. He was banned from the country for a year.
My front door still has his shoe imprints embedded in it from when he wanted to "talk" to me: Let me IN Let me IN Let me IN...all the while kicking the door almost off it's hinges.
Next month I'm going back to my home country, and he knows it. I'm afraid his life will become my problem again. I want to be near my family and friends, and feel I've been in exile long enough. I don't want to move far away from my home town, just to avoid him.
I don't love him any longer. It won't bother me to see him again, as I have no desire to have a relationship with him. This is the truth. I want good things for him. I hope he sees the light and begins long term recovery, but I don't ever want to be with him again. Thankfully, trying to be in a relationship with him is not my problem, and if it were, I'd stay in exile a few years longer.
I just hope I'm strong enough to avoid getting roped into his ups and downs again. I'm still close with his family and don't want to cut all contact with them and mutual friends because of his drunken moments.
Has anyone managed to be "just friends" with an XAB?
Is it possible? Can it be done?