I found I couldn't let my expectations of what my addicted loved one did in early recovery control my life (because it was bound to breed resentment) Truly, with the horror of the extreme downward spiral and my understanding that addiction is an illness I was just so grateful for the attempts at recovery and that she was alive. I found the best thing for me to do was to look in the mirror every time I found myself passing judgement. That focus on me and what I needed to work on humbled me and motivated me more to want recovery - for me. It also helped me to enjoy the precious time I did have with my addict seeking recovery. Hugs.