Strongerwoman, I am sorry you are feeling so rubbish, and in an attempt to help you get that kick in the butt you requested...
Don't judge yourself by other people's lives, that is the sure way to pave misery for yourself! There will ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS be someone out there who has more than you, be that money, friends, free time. No matter who you are or how rich you are, happiness is NOT found comparing self with others. Look within, look at your achievements - which you DO have - you passed your nursing exams just this summer, you are getting your life together for yourself, you are showing your girls how to be independant. Search yourself for compliments and tell yourself EVERYDAY how well you are doing!
Originally Posted by
strongerwoman 
I feel like a failure because there is no gifts for my kids, I dont have time or money to create any memories with them...
I dont get to spend time with my kids even, in the place of gifts, I made plans for a lovely weekend spent with them baking and watching movies and crafting, since I have the weekend off..
This is a condradiction in itself! So what if you do not spend lots of money on your children! You are not the first and WILL NOT be the last who cannot do this. You said you had no time to spend with your children, yet you also dedicated a whole weekend to quality time with them, making and creating those memories you previously said you couldn't do.
Originally Posted by
strongerwoman ...I had compromised and then compromised again, changing everything around to have my Christmas time with my kids this weekend, then STBXAH changed his plans last minute which changed and ruined my plans again.
I'm just tired of feeling like my life and dreams and hopes and plans are always out of my control and being ruined by other people who typically are selfish and looking out for themselves.
Then look out for YOURSELF! It is possible to overly comprimise, especially with people you KNOW to be unreliable. You made a rod for your own back here, learn from this season, and know in future, your happiness is in YOUR hands, don't comprimise it away, and trust in people worthy of your trust!
I hope you get out of your depression, I know it all too well, and I know it is possible to break away from, are you getting any therapy? You sound very low and are beating yourself up for things and for no good reason! Be knider to yourself strongerwoman!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
