It sounds like you have a lot to be angry about. Anger is an emotion that can have positive or negative effects:
It can empower a person to change.
OR
It can eat a person up from the inside out.
I was really angry at my xah for such a long time. It finally dawned on me that it was doing more harm to me and my son than it was to the x. When I finally let go of the anger, I made peace with myself and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my back.
You have a lot to do. Your energy is limited. Direct it toward helping yourself. My thoughts are with you.
gentle hugs