Originally Posted by
hmbld 
You know, I used to think that, but now I'm not so sure. I think they use that excuse because we buy it hook, line, and sinker. It's hard for us to understand why there would be any other reason to embalm themselves, and it plays into our need to help and fix and nurture.
I think with my A, he's simply a selfish individual who has some jacked up wiring in his brain. Simple as that. The whole "poor poor pitiful me" act is just a bunch of smoke and mirrors used by his mind to justify self destruction and overall inconsideration of anybody but himself. His life was no more traumatic than anybody else, if anything it was more charmed than most. Anyway, I apologize for going off on a tangent.
i had to take a couple days off from this site and stop thinking anything alcoholic related. this quote above is so very true! thank you hmbld! i guess the truth is we will never understand because we are not "drowning" ourselves. we live in reality. we deal with problems whether we like it or not. we feel remorse, regret and can say sorry without making an excuse behind the bottle. when we feel lost -we feel it and not drink it away.
i did not contact my recovering XAB for christmas. i decided to not wish him greetings via text/call. i guess in truth i am tired of being the one doing. he did not contact me either so there goes this holiday season without him.
it has been 25 days since my recovering alcoholic boyfriend and i broke up. he asked me to stick around, still be part of his life the day we broke up but what for? i realized i hurriedly said we were done. i look back now and i think its because i want a future. i want a life with someone grounded who is just like me and not a person i have to babysit. he used to be the man of my dreams so many years ago and now he's gone.
thank you all for responding to my thread. i thought i was so alone and i realize that with all your stories we are all similar in nature through this sad sad illness. there are so many similarities in stories we go through with alcoholics. each day i try to stay strong. i feel sad, i feel pity, i feel anger, i reminisce, i dream of what could've been and i wish to one day say i feel happy again or that i can say i feel forgiveness for this person.
i dont know if that day will come. i feel remorse for myself and this situation. i guess thats all that matters. i would like to believe he thinks, he's sad, he dreams of me, he has regret or remorse but that isn't gonna do anything, right? the fact is true if he is not proactive in the steps or some sort of recovery for sobriety then all he is is a dry drunk. thank you all for teaching me what "quacking" means. i feel that is something i should expect out of all people -actions speak louder than words. i show more in actions than speak and so i should practice what i preach.
dreamer999 - i feel your anger and pain. trust me i understand. i send you ((((((hugs)))))))) and remember like we all tell ourselves ...time heals all.
i wish everyone a happy new year!! i look forward to 2009!! i am excited to what it brings with out the relapses, crying, alcoholism this and that and the yucky drama! i just want peace!!
