It's not pathetic at all, it's human
Do what you need to do to "getterdone" no matter what
If that means having her meet you and walk you through the parking lot, that's fine.
When I went back to AA after "slipping" 8 years ago, I had to call a man I hated (who wasn't viewing me with any great kindness either) to go with me to a meeting.
He held my hand.
We are men.
We are big "lumberjack" manly man men
He held my F'ing hand.
I was a cliff rescue paramedic that specialized in Helicopter rescues that had a really dangerous job as a hobby (trees), and I was terrified.
Next time you go, and she has to come get you, I want you to visualize two large muscly guys, one hairy and covered in tatoos having to "hold hands" to get through what you are going through alone.
Take the help. It's Life and Death, it really is.
We are all here for you as well, visualize us "holding your hand" as you do this, take baby steps, ask for help, and you will get through this.