FormerDoormat

This is an excellent question and one that I'll answer from my perspective and my experience. Even in his most pathetic, most humble, and sickest stage--the end stage of alcoholism--my boyfriend, Richard, did serve a purpose here on earth and that purpose was good. Sometimes the greatest gifts come from what seems like the lowliest of sources. In my case the gift of a lifetime came from a drunken man who could no longer walk, talk, or think straight. It came from a man who society might think no longer served a purpose.

But his life did serve a purpose and his illness did serve a greater good. It prompted me to seek help for myself, do more soul searching in a few months than I had done in a lifetime, and to finally begin living life for myself and not for others.

The help Richard offered to me had far-reaching effects. For as I learned how to live life for myself I began to share what I'd learned with others. And what I'd learned and shared reached far and wide--way beyond the forum on SR to others who lurk here and read every day. And even beyond that as I began to share my new-found knowledge with my sister, who also unknowingly suffered from co-dependency. It prompted her to begin her own soul-searching and quest for knowledge, and she, too, learned how to finally life her life for herself.

But she didn't stop there, she shared what she'd learned with her own four children as I shared what I learned with my own daughter and with coworkers who'd grown up in an alcoholic family or were struggling with addicted partners of their own.

This one, seemingly lowly alcoholic--who was never able to overcome his disease and change his own life, changed countless other lives just by living his life the way he chose.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, sometimes angels come in the most unexpected forms. Sometimes, they come in the form of lowly and struggling alcoholics who lead others on a path to redemption and joyous and happy lives.

That's the purpose that many alcoholics serve and they give their lives, unknowingly, so that others can learn to live in peace.

Recently I began a ritual of waking up each morning and thanking my higher power for all that's good in my life. Each day I thank him for my beautiful daughter, whom I love more than life itself, my mother and father who raised me with loving care, my six siblings who have always been the center of my life, a warm and safe place to sleep, plenty of food to eat, a good steady job, friends and coworkers whom I love, the folks at SR who help me learn and grow every day, and most of all Richard, who was a good man with a terrible disease who still managed to teach me important life lessons and ultimately led me to a better life.

And each day my sister also includes Richard in her gratitude journal because his journey led to my journey, which led to her journey, which led to her childrens' journey, and so on and so on.

Richard is gone now and yet he managed to give me a gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving.

My anger has long since subsided and in it's place I have eternal gratitude for the man he was before he became an alcoholic and the man he was when he was so very lost in his disease. No matter how sick addicts get, there's still a human behind the disease. I loved Richard then and I love him now.

Maybe a daily gratitude list would be helpful to you, too. It can be a simple but life altering tool. Sometimes the simplest gifts are the best. Today Jeri, and every day, I wish you peace.