embraced2000

alcoholics are sick people and do sick things. please remind me of all the things i've shared with people here about alcoholics and the disease that destroys them and others.

i'm having the hardest time ever about my thinking concerning alcoholics....i'm thinking things like evil, freaks, what good are they, why can't we corrall all of them up, put them on an island and let them torture the hell outta each other. i'm feeling so much hatred for my xah right now that it is immeasurable.

i don't want that hatred to be a driving force again in my life.

right now, i need to be working on healing, and all i can manage is just to barely cope. get up. brush teeth. comb hair. collapse back into bed. wait 10 minutes and force myself to take my meds. make myself go into living room and say good morning to mama. brush teeth again. stare at self in mirror with toothpaste around my mouth and cry.

someone please cyber-shake me into reality again. give me shock treatments, tough talk, anything.

i've prayed so hard for serenity, peace, knowlege that i am in Gods hands, that he would show me thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

can't eat, sleep, or barely drink. my ole chicken skin that is supposed to be my arms just stand up like little tents when i pinch them. and they stay there. i can make my arms look like a heavily textured ceiling or the ceiling of a cave. this can take up a lot of time.

i ask myself.....what am i getting out of feeling like this? because i know i have the power to change it.......but all i feel is just super sick, and scared out of my mind.