Here We Go Again
I have been absent from this forum for many reasons. We sold our house and have been packing and cleaning and moving and things were going good. Four and a half months sober, doing all the right things. Guess what? It was an illusion. It must have been. One day he seemed OK and the next he was drinking. This really is a progressive illness. He is nastier, uglier and more belligerant than he has ever been. He reaches into his own pain and ugliness and tries to spew it upon me. And boy, did it ever work. He sucked me right in and I lost it after listening to the vile things he was saying to me. I reached out to cover his mouth to shut him up and ended up scratching his face. It made me sick that I reacted like that. Then he threatened to call the cops on me. They goad you to the point where you just can't take anymore and then they use it against you. You share the sad and painful things in your life and they when they are insane they use that info against you. There is no way to win this battle. If you say anything it is wrong. If you don't talk then that is wrong too.
He left here about an hour ago with a shirt, underwear and his work shoes under his arm (no bag) to walk 10 miles to an empty house that he is working on. That is where he is planning on sleeping tonight. We have one vehicle, a van, which he needs for work. He has no drivers license so either I drive him or his helper does. He wants me to turn over the title to his helper - hahahahahahaha!!!!! Sure, honey, I don't need a vehicle!
I have held out hope that he could learn to find a way to deal with the alcoholism but that doesn't seem very likely. Maybe the time has come for me to move on and plan a life without him. It is so hard to just let go and give up hope.
He just called and is on his way home. How lucky can one woman be!! Wish me luck that tonight is alot more peaceful than the last 6 have been.
JoJo