Hugs, strongerwoman. I know these things probably don't make you feel better, but since you asked for a kick...god bless the people here who deliver
We lost the matriarch of our family four weeks ago, and would give anything to have one more Christmas with her, whether or not it involved things with bows on them. My brother lives in Detroit, and it's very likely that he won't be going back to work after the holidays - and he has a wife, two kids and a home in jeopardy.
A few months ago you were telling us you didn't even have a job or your certification. Now you do. You are making progress.
Do something gorgeous and free....go look at lights, get a movie from the Library and watch it with popcorn and hot cocoa, Google free events for your city, go dish up some hot meals for people who truly DO have nothing at all. Stop wasting time & energy on what you don't have, and focus on what you do. And make a plan for next year so you don't do this to yourself again. You deserve to have the holiday you want, not the one you think will "keep the peace."
Please?
Love,
GL