thanks everyone.
I guess I feel left behind and lonely. there wont be any family gatherings for me, as I watch everyone else I know go off to be with their families. I am thankful for my job, not really bothered that I have to work Christmas day, just the fact that since I do have to work the holiday, I had to bend over backwards to make plans for the holidays with my kids.
I feel like a failure because there is no gifts for my kids, I dont have time or money to create any memories with them. Because they have two differenet fathers, they will be in different places at different times for the next few days, and while I'm glad they will be having a nice time, I will be alone.
I dont get to spend time with my kids even, in the place of gifts, I made plans for a lovely weekend spent with them baking and watching movies and crafting, since I have the weekend off.
I could have fought the plans their fathers made, but in the name of peace, I just let it go.
I had compromised and then compromised again, changing everything around to have my Christmas time with my kids this weekend, then STBXAH changed his plans last minute which changed and ruined my plans again.
I'm just tired of feeling like my life and dreams and hopes and plans are always out of my control and being ruined by other people who typically are selfish and looking out for themselves.
Divorce and kids and the holidays don't mix well, thats for sure.
