Thanks for all the supportive comments! I know that this is something I can overcome and get back to being myself. It's interesting how the world is beginning to look brighter and clearer... I think the stress that "led" me to want that after-work drink was definitely related to my daily drinking and having to work with very little energy! Vicious circle, like some have said... It seems like when the craving strikes in the late afternoon, anticipating "drink" time, I can mentally replace the anticipation with something else to look forward to (movie, hot chocolate, etc), and plan to enjoy that instead. Still feels a bit weird changing the routine, but the rewards are becoming obvious. I know now that if I had put this off it would get worse...and then all of a sudden I'm 30 but look forty and feel fifty...
And yes, I was scared. Seeing someone so far gone and taking a stern look in the mirror gave me the impetus I needed to finally say ENOUGH OF THIS S*&T...I'M BETTER THAN THIS...I DESERVE IT, MY CUSTOMERS DESERVE IT, AND MY FAMILY DESERVES IT. And that was it. Now the challenge...restructuring my brain so that the BEAST stays where it belongs--- in my head, taking my hand from the hot stove, NOT IN MY GLASS EVERY NIGHT.
Thanks again and I will post as things progress...