winnie, you identified dread and went on to explain why. Based on past experiences you're awfulizing the future. Some of those things may come true and if worse comes to worse, your son can always go back to jail.
What is different about you today in your recovery than in the past? What recovery tools have you gained that you can use towards making it through this day? What can you do to make yourself feel better?
My prayers are with you. The questions I've asked are the same ones I ask myself when I feel that panic. Identifying, understanding and accepting my feelings are always the first step, then I have to ask myself what is the next right thing for me to do, for myself.