Hey. So last night I got home to a note that said "going to find a place to live." This was at 6pm at night!! Well, I wasn't aware they showed apartments that late but whatever...
Anyway. I told my son, daddy was gone to find a place to live and when he found one we would go visit him. He seemed to accept that.
This morning I locked up the house tight. I live on an upper floor of a security building (a precaution I took when I broke up with him years ago) and he won't be able to come and go at will anymore.
I appreciate the reposting of my boundaries! I found a couple that fit this situation so I don't even need to come up with anything new.
I will not knowingly believe or support lies.
and
I will set a special boundary if I feel it’s necessary to a particular relationship.
I'm also going easy on myself over my codenpendent relapse. OF COURSE I want to help him. I'm a nice person. I want to help EVERYONE! I want life to be happy and easy for my son. I want my son to have a father. However. I can't fix his father. I can't make him better. If I could have, It would have worked years ago. I must let him go so he can find his way. That is the only thing that can save him.
Ya know that old saying?
This is gonna hurt me a lot worse than it hurts you....
Well I think it carries a lot of weight in this situation. I'm more challenged by this situation than he is. It's not like he's making changes in his lifestyle to make things better for me and my son. Obviously he has other places to stay. And obviously those places are more appropriate for the lifestyle he is chosing to live at this time. He's getting what he wants! The freedom to come and go as he pleases and do whatever he wants in life with out having to be responsiblie for anything in his life.
As far as his family goes, I'm going to be honest and deal with the phone calls as they come. But I can't fix their son. I can't force a 37 year old man to act responsibly to his mom anymore than I can to his son.
It's out of my hands.
Thanks everyone.
I'll keep you posted.