Well, Mark, I have what some consider a cold regard towards some "accidental" connections such as birth. I have chosen to be a part of my parents' lives (my father has since died), though I have chosen to distance myself from my six siblings for the most part. I can't really say that what I feel for (some of) them is love. It's not resentment, and even those for whom I really have no feeling at all, I don't wish them ill. I just don't think that because we share a parent (I have no "full" brothers and sisters) that I should feel obligated to invite their chaos into my family.
What do you feel for your mother? Obligation or love? You don't say if she's still actively in the life. What habits of hers do you want her to leave behind in California or Hawaii? Regardless of whether you feel you owe her an amends, you and your wife do have every right to set boundaries and ground rules for your home, and those things should be stated before she comes, if you choose to include her, rather than hoping for unspoken compliance. If something that she does threatens your sobriety, why not tell her that and ask if she can refrain while she's with you?
Peace & Love,
Sugah