Your posts are so kindful and thoughtful! One thing that is hard for me is that I was in denial for so long before his recovery. I knew that he was taking drugs, and I knew he was taking them to feel better. For a long time, I just tried to push those thoughts out of my head and figure that I would deal with those issues later. I finally put my foot down and said "Enough!" when he did two things: he weaved all over the road and refused to pull over because "he wasn't on codeine" and he stole some pain pills from my grandmother (we were a guest in her home). These are the events that caused me to realize that this wasn't a little problem and this wasn't going to go away on its own. I shared all this with my therapist. He decided to start seeing my therapist and got off the drugs (for the 8 months).
I don't want to ignore the fact that he is using because I feel bad about those years that I willingly went along with the denial. My mom is drug addict and her parents will deny and enable until the day they're dead. (I assume this because they are 90 years old and still enabling and denying.) So, I don't want to ignore the problem or pretend it's not happening when he's obviously high.
I don't really get the difference between letting go of the situation without ignoring the problem. Does that make any sense to anyone? I'm not ready to leave the situation because I still see hope that will go into recovery for drugs and I will go into recovery for codependency.