Letting go and Letting God...... IS a huge part of it.
So it just keeping the focus on you! I know what it feels like to want to help the person like you would lets say if he had cancer. I can only imagine how frustrating and difficult it would be to watch a loved one diagnosed with the disease of cancer and not do the treatments - be it chemo/visiting oncologists/alternative treatments etc. What would the loving partner do then? I'd imagine it would be that much frustrating if not more so! However, because we see it as a "choice" .... it's hard for we (the codies)...... to not push and hope and go crazy with it all!
I lost a ton of respect for my guy when he was going to the meetings, wearing the NA keychain on his set.......... AND still using! What a flipping hypocrite!
It all comes down to what our tolerance level is.... and when and if we are able to make it through with them to make the choice for themselves to seek sobriety. My thing is that I KNOW I will reach a breaking point when I have just had enough! And that is what fears me the most - because I see it - Lord knows he has heard it from me that it is only a matter of time for me to reach that....... so it's really just time.
Bluebelle - I can hear your frustration. I know how difficult it is. So - it's when I get to this point that you are - I seek further into my own recovery. Because it is me I have to look at... me that I have to question why it is that I am so tolerant or really I should say "willing" to put up this fight for our relationship. It's not like there is going to be a magic wand and all is going to be fixed over night! So..... in the meantime..... I really do try hard to keep that focus on me.... and instead of looking at the use or non-use - I look at the behavior. I have surrendered to not looking at the drug abuse as the crutch.... the excuse for how things are. Because you know what? He is not! He is still dancing around it as though his addiction is a past tense. However - he hasn't properly treated it and doesn't realize that his addiction has a core (underlying) issue that has yet to be dealt with.
It is out of my control - it is out of your control! You only have control over yourself!
He is going to do - what he is going to do! Step aside of his box..... and stand only in yours. Give yourself some personal space.... some emotional protection - and do not allow penetration of his energy into your field. Hold yourself close...... and only externalize your energy while not internalizing his field of energy! Put that rain gear on.... and visualize the barrier ... the scotch guard if you will - of his energy penetrating into you.
Just as massage therapists do when giving a massage. They only externalize their energy and protect themselves from receiving the energy from their clients! This will help you detach ...... and detach with love..... with love for yourself!
Before you look at his faults..... before you look at what he is or is not doing - look at yourself. Then all will unfold ...........
Peace and Love xoxoxo