bluebelle

I'm still really worried about my ABF. He is supposedly working on recovery--trying to get out of the house more, talking to the counselor once a week, etc. However, it seems to be more the motions than anything else. He keeps telling me how important sobriety is to him. However, he keeps using! He says that he is making a "plan" for recovery. He looked at NA stuff this morning, but he says it sounds too much like a church. However, maybe he'll try it.

I know we are supposed to work on ourselves, and I am really trying. I'm reading the book Addictive Thinking which helps me understand why his rationalizations are so ridiculous. I'm on a waiting list to see a counselor (probably 4 weeks). I'm still working on finding a job, and maybe I'll get some good news regarding that soon.

It just hurts me so much to see him like this. He had 8 months of recovery! He wasn't just sober--he was really working on recovery with counseling sessions, changing his friends, being honest, etc. Now, he is taking who knows how many oxycodones. This morning he fell back to sleep, and got up this afternoon. Now, he's all happy and energetic--telling me how great he feels. Uh huh. He keeps making promises--he gets really excited about stuff. I'm going to read that book with you, I'm going to find a recipe on the Internet for that chicken, etc., but of course, he doesn't follow through. I just know that there is no way that he's going to get better as long as he keeps using!!! He's planning his recovery. Great. Terrific. If you could see me now, you would see me rolling my eyes.

I keep trying to let go, let God, but is that all I can do?