I just want to say thank you for your support. I felt desperate to be posting on an internet forum, but all of your comments have been helping me get the wheels turning. I talked to a counsler today. We are both in our early 20s. I know what is best for me. I have to let him figure out his issues, as I have to figure out my own. It feels really good when I think about being autonomous and not enmeshed. His ultimatum was an attempt at controlling my behavior. One of the things I want in my life is to choose my own friends. It isnt a matter of who is more important the bf or the ex bf. I learned something really valuable today. During the phone time I have gotten I often felt attacked by him accusing me of things I didnt and wouldnt do, as well as being accused of not working on my own self growth. I can only speak for myself when I say that I work on myself daily. I experience my feelings and I am generally happy. However, the love that I think he feels for me, the love I feel for him and the feelings I get when the accusations fly are all part of the relationship. It isnt just the love that makes the relationship. I spent time writing out my goals for my life. I want all of my relationships to be authentic (with out deceit or lies) Even though my bf and I have been together over a year and have saw each other through awesome and fun as well as difficult times we have no base of trust and honesty. I hope that if he can heal, we will be able to create this essential base.