Yes Stubborn, I do journal and still have my diaries from 1994. I threw out the ones from before that on Christmas Eve, because I believed my relationship was so improved that I would turf the S**T and make a new beginning.
Now I only have 5 diaries full of misery and hell to look at for if this period of sobriety ends, because if he starts again, I am finished. I figure that if I miss him I just have to read thru them and will soon be cured of any need to have him back in my life. I deliberately don't read thru even the one I have now, just keep it up to date and so far so good, so am staying with that thought and hope things get even better.
Thru Alanon online, and here at SR, I am learning to take it day by day, be grateful for all the good times, and pass over the small bits that in the past would push my buttons. I also write those good times down as I need them to balance some nasty memories.
I look at it as what happened in the past as in the past, and concentrate on the now.
I know how hard it can be, and keep you in my prayers.
God bless
:praying