When it came down to my children and my addict husband I woudl not allow them visits as long as he was an active A. If he is sober I let him know what I expect as far as behavioor towards my children go. They did see him but on my terms. I knew he wasn't going to harm them mentally. I also know they don't forget things and if I don't allow visitations at times then I might have to deal with them resenting me later in their life.
Sometimes it's better to let sleeping dogs lay. I do everything for my children. Depending oon their age I think they deserve a choice.
What if the show were on the other foot? Hard to imagine.
Would you be willing to go see her and maybe allow them to write letters to her where she can write them back? Just an idea.