he's still here
I know i've probably posted more in the last two days than in the last year- I am really having a hard time today- AH is not speaking (good) last thing he said to me (night before last) is that he is tired of me and is going to do something about it- I said "go ahead"- I really think my marriage is over- why am I upset about that? A week ago he was proclaiming his love for me and a few days later this? Some weird and crazy part of me almost believes the crap he says about me- I know it's not my fault- but there is still that little peice of me that depressed,low self esteem suffering peice of me that says it is. AH really thinks he is better than me- I really believe he thinks if he had stayed on track with his life- he would be with someone "better" than me.(His family has alot of $- mine has none) He was a star college student and had a very bright career path- until alcohol entered the picture. In one of my last posts,I told you guys he had said that I needed to "be in a trailer park that it was more my speed"- He says things like that to me- he grew up in a three story home, I grew up in a trailer- slurs to make me feel bad- why is it working today?
I miss the sober times- I guess we all do when we are with the active drinker- I want that man who took me out,told me he loves me- I'm not sure he is
ever coming back- I want a real marriage.
Sorry for the ranting
maryann