Tiny Bear I can sympathasise with you not wanting to identify as a "codie". I don't like the term at all. Mainly because I see it as a commercial label used by charletons and gurus, faithhealers, psych Ph Ds, publishers, and snake oil merchants etc to make a killing out of the epidemic of alcoholism in Western civilization.
I am also relatively new to this forum and have been going to a weekly meeting of Alonon for three months. Your list of justifications on why you are not a "codie", (but I prefer "qualifying Al-anon member ) could have been written by me in the first few years. The thing that strikes me is that it is you who is taking the responsibility, setting the limits and making the rules. It is a list made by someone who is managing someone who is an active alcoholic. It is the obsessing in itself that qualifies us, not the individual or even the sum of the individual behaviours.
Can you imagine your partner obsessing about your behaviour as much as you are about his? Woud it be true to assume that he is obsessing more about alcohol than you and your behaviour?
It is a disease of obsessing and compulsion driven by denial of it's very real and painful effects........that is the merry-go-round