Hi SpaceGypsy, thanks for posting and WELCOME to SR....
I, like you use to do the dumpster diving drugs. Meth, coke, qualudes, hallucinagins, and whatever was around and there was always something back in the day (and it wouldn't be hard to get anything now either --- it's always around if you're looking for it). Anyways, I went from all that to hard core alcoholism. The other stuff was easy for the most part to kick and quit, but alcohol has been my demon.
I have 13 days sobriety now (yeah!) but have tried this roller-coaster ride before with getting sober and then getting drunk -- a ride that I've had to take many, many, many times up to this point to finally say enough and mean it. As far as grabbing the "box of wine"... that was me, a few boxes, a few large bottles (gallons) and then it would be "on" but I found I couldn't stop as my moment of guzzling turned into weeks, months -- so many precious moments gone cuz of being wasted and wasted time.
I'm glad you're here! I'm really glad you're recognizing that you've got a problem and your cutting down and may be willing to give it up at some point. If YOU ARE an alcoholic, it will get worse -- never better although the demon alcohol will tell you differently. Just keep posting, reaching and reading. There's no "stupid" thing or crazy thought that one of us (if not all of us) have felt or done or gone through. This is a safe forum with a :ghug3lot of caring people who are either sober, struggling to get sober, struggling to stay sober, etc., etc. We're in this together. Keep comin' back here!
Hugs xoxox,
Nicki