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Need a vice

Old 12-04-2008, 10:19 PM
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Need a vice

Hi there - I'm new here. Wanting to "clean up my act." My biggest problem right now is that I've always needed a vice. I went from an eating disorder as a teenager, to being really in love with stimulants (meth, dexies, adderall, coke) in my first couple years of college, to booze now. Everyone says to get involved in what you care about - but I already am. I sincerely care about certain social issues, and do what I can to be an activist for them - but at the end of the day, I still want that vice. I try painting, writing, walking, cooking, etc. etc. but it seems like all those things are better when I'm "under the influence" of something. There's always that voice in the back of my head that says "Well, you're just one of those people" and grabs the box o' wine. Right now, I'm concentrating on just cutting down. (I can easily slam down a dozen drinks a night.) I don't want to go to any meeting - i think it's weird, and I have huge anxiety issues as it is. Plus, I know that it's not *god* that's doing anything, it's me being dumb. If I just have a few, I'm fine, but otherwise it's jekyll and hyde. blah.
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Old 12-04-2008, 10:22 PM
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Welcome to SR! Glad you are here!
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Old 12-04-2008, 10:53 PM
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Years ago...I often said I was simply addicted to
more.....more of anything that made me feel good.

Then the shopping..men..food...rugs...alcohol...
stopped working and Drat!
I was an alcoholic.

Perhaps counseling would benefit you.
Welcome to sR...
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Old 12-04-2008, 10:58 PM
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Hi SpaceGypsy, thanks for posting and WELCOME to SR....

I, like you use to do the dumpster diving drugs. Meth, coke, qualudes, hallucinagins, and whatever was around and there was always something back in the day (and it wouldn't be hard to get anything now either --- it's always around if you're looking for it). Anyways, I went from all that to hard core alcoholism. The other stuff was easy for the most part to kick and quit, but alcohol has been my demon.

I have 13 days sobriety now (yeah!) but have tried this roller-coaster ride before with getting sober and then getting drunk -- a ride that I've had to take many, many, many times up to this point to finally say enough and mean it. As far as grabbing the "box of wine"... that was me, a few boxes, a few large bottles (gallons) and then it would be "on" but I found I couldn't stop as my moment of guzzling turned into weeks, months -- so many precious moments gone cuz of being wasted and wasted time.

I'm glad you're here! I'm really glad you're recognizing that you've got a problem and your cutting down and may be willing to give it up at some point. If YOU ARE an alcoholic, it will get worse -- never better although the demon alcohol will tell you differently. Just keep posting, reaching and reading. There's no "stupid" thing or crazy thought that one of us (if not all of us) have felt or done or gone through. This is a safe forum with a :ghug3lot of caring people who are either sober, struggling to get sober, struggling to stay sober, etc., etc. We're in this together. Keep comin' back here!

Hugs xoxox,
Nicki
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Old 12-04-2008, 11:05 PM
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Thank you - it's really nice to have other people to talk to about this. I really don't bring it up around anyone else - although it's embarrassingly apparent, and I'm always paranoid about it. As for counseling - I signed up for it (it's my last week of college - i signed up for it earlier in the semester) but got too nervous and never showed up.
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Old 12-04-2008, 11:22 PM
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Space....

You can talk to us here and air out the stuff that may be embarrasing to talk about with another person face-to-face. It's tough dealing with what we have to deal with, to be open and honest about it as it's really not pretty! I have found the more I post and discuss with others here or in my life (actually face-to-face), I don't get the kind of reaction I thought I should or would get! People here understand for sure. Thank God I have walked through the doors with other people in addition who care and understand as well. To know You are not alone is a good thing... for all of us!

Keep posting, K?

Hugs,
Nicki

:ghug2
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Old 12-05-2008, 01:01 AM
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Welcome Space Gypsy

take a look around...lots to read and ponder and lots of support here.

I used to think I needed a vice - everything was better drunk or stoned - I was the arty type - not bound by societys rules, sucking the marrow from life...

blah blah blah...LOL

now I see it as just more rationalisation.

All I was doing was killing myself slowly and monumentally misusing and wasting my talents.

No-one is meant to be an addict, pure and simple

D
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:00 AM
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I was reading a magazine and in it there was an article about young men who were in a group home. They were there for many reasons but one of the biggest ones was substance use. They were introduced to knitting. Some took awhile to warm up to the idea but once they did they found it soothing. When I started my journey, I picked up my crochet hook (I had learned years ago as a Girl Scout). I'm not real good but when I get antsy, anxious etc. I pick up that hook. I still use cheap Walmart yarn, maybe one day when I get better I'll pick different yarns but for now, this is fine. It is cheap therapy.

My thoughts are with you.
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Old 12-05-2008, 03:53 AM
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Welcome Gypsy!! I can relate to your avoidance of meetings and/or counselling. Meetings are key to me cuurently, after being pleasantly surprised after the first few, I actually look forward to them. It's seriously a no pressure kind of thing. Hell, you don't have to say a single word. I'm glad you came here, just reading and venting("talking") is a tremendous help. It's helped to keep me sober for 27 days now.

You can do this!!!



Originally Posted by Latte View Post
. When I started my journey, I picked up my crochet hook (I had learned years ago as a Girl Scout). I'm not real good but when I get antsy, anxious etc. I pick up that hook. I still use cheap Walmart yarn, maybe one day when I get better I'll pick different yarns but for now, this is fine. It is cheap therapy.
Amen to that!!! 1 baby blanket, 2 scarves done and a shawl in the works. I only know one stitch and can only do variations of rectangles, but It's helped me cut back my smoking by half!!!
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